I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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