i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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