New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
