I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
