are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
