I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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