Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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