Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
