u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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