My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
