i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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