Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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