Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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