capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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