Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
