I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
