Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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