youre lurking in front of me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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