we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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