I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
