I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
