I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
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Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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