Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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