Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just google imaged poop.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
