I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
