they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
