Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
