My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize