I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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