I didn't shave. On purpose
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
