genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
