Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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