I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
