I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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