I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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