Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
