Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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