Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
