I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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