would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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