I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
