Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
