i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
