Betty ford says i'm here all night
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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