Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
