Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
