I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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