I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
