i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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