im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
