Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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