trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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