There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
