I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
