Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
