hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
40s are totally the cure
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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