Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
