Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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