shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize