420 ftw
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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