You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
