sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
