At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
