new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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