Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
