That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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