that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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