I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
