You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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